the mix tape is dead. long live the "mix CD".

annoyed? so am i. i was a mix tape FREAK in college and shortly thereafter. one of the 1,432 ways i directly, intimately relate to High Fidelity. even the name, "mix tape", sounds more melodious than "mix CD". just sorta irks me. the one benefit i can see out of a mix CD is that you're no longer shackled to the contents of your own collection when making a tape for that special someone (assuming they're special...i can't imagine going through the effort, even the paltry effort of a CD, for someone who doesn't truly matter to you)...thanks to those Napster-wannabes, all you need a decent connection and a basic lack of morality and boom, any song you can think of, you can get (and usually get the German version to boot).

i got my first mix CD senior year of college (Fall, 1997 for those of you playing at home). it was a total novelty. i think our campus had one burner which costs roughly $18,000 and burned at 6k/sec. anyways, that was a totally sweet gesture, which involved this girl schlepping about 20 CDs across campus to make this for me. now, assuming you've bought a computer in the last 18 months, you've got a burner already, and been augmenting your CD collection quite nicely.

of course, yours truly has a slightly more ancient computer, which gives me a dirty look every time i try to run more than 3 or 4 apps at once. it gives me this, "oh bugger, do i REALLY have to run Snood?" (apparantly my computer is also British. go figure.)

a mix tape took TIME. hours upon hours of song selection, ordering, re-ordering, factoring in time constraints, giving yourself that self-high five when the last song of side 1 ended 3 seconds before the tape did, jumping around and singing "i'm free" at the top of your lungs.

ok, well maybe only i did that. why are you looking at me that way?

also, there was storytelling involved. you could take the listener on two separate journeys, each with its own particular peaks and canyons, surprises and motifs, complementary but independent. with a CD, you've pretty much got your one storyline, which makes really good segues really tough to come by.

but since i didn't have much else to do tonite, and since the apartment is about as clean as i can stand it (which means the health board won't automatically condemn it if they peek in), i thought i'd give a CD mix a try. not to burn, since i am one computer away from being able to do that, but more of an intellectual exercise.

the rules for this CD:

1) no one artists can be represented more than once

2) no live tracks allowed

3) tracks can come from my own collection or those tracks on my hard drive

4) this CD is primarily for my own consumption, assuming a "desert island mix" type of scenario.

#4 is a key factor to consider in the making of a good compilation. i can't imagine i'd put very many of the following songs onto a CD for another person, since my mixes were very rarely about introducing the person to music i felt they NEEDED TO HEAR OR THEY JUST AIN'T WIDDIT but rather stuff i thought they'd enjoy...consequently, "Love Shack" ended up on quite a few mix tapes. i'm not proud. (someday soon i'll throw on my "mix CD to guarantee i'll reveal government secrets if subjected to")

OK, so without further ado, here goes, revealing more of the rules as we get to them songs that exemplify the rules:

1) Can't Get You Out of My Head by Kylie Minogue

I heard this song about 6 weeks ago in my car and was instantly hooked. The first track of a compilation should always be an upbeat track, usually ridiculously catchy and get the blood flowing. Starting off a tape with Yanni is the best way to let the other 16 or so tracks go unheard.

2) Clint Eastwood by Gorrilaz

Another insanely catchy track, they've got sunshine in a bag, which is I think against the laws of physics, but who needs anything but the science of shakin' booty at track 2.

3) Walking Away by Craig David

Neo-soul seems to be the new rage, with the India.Arie/Alicia Keys stuff all over the place, but this my by my favorite of that genre, and is a great track 3 since it's not a downbeat track but definitely cools things off a bit. Also has one helluva chorus. Good times.

4) Listening Wind by Talking Heads

I go in and out of liking Talking Heads, and now i'm definitely "in". My favorite track from the "Remain in Light" record, it keeps the rhythmic qualities of the first three songs, but takes it down even more, and has completely haunting vocals.

5) Shape of my Heart by Sting

Possibly my favorite guitar riff, this simple acoustic intro/hook is just mesmerizing, and we hit the lowest part of the bell curve in terms of energy. this also keeps the gorgeous lyrical quality of songs 3 and 4. i've used this song in two plays i've directed, and it never fails to hit the precise emotional chords i have wanted.

6) Origin of Love from "Hedwig and the Angry Inch"

Currently my favorite song from the best musical I never saw, "Origin" is a great song 6 since it keeps the quiet energy of track 5 and kicks it WAY up and the track goes on. the lyrics are based on Plato's "Symposium". if you've never heard this song, i really, really pity you. as cathartic as they come.

7) The Middle by Jimmy Eat World

Ok, so we don't want the rest of the mix to be a downer, "Origin" got us back some power chords so let's run with them, and get back the energy from songs 1 and 2 with this power pop masterpiece. It's female empowerment, it's catchy hooks, it's less than three minutes long. (the more terminally hip of us would put The Strokes here, i imagine, but i was never accused of being even remotely hip, so there.)

8) Rest in Peace from the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" musical episode

I love just about every song from this episode, but this is the one I find myself consistently humming under my breath. So, my favorite song from my favorite show, it's on the compilation. A great rocker with some "pained lover" lyrics which used to be a prerequisite for me listening to any song between summer 1999 and fall 2001.

9) Ultraviolet by U2

Exemplifies both rule 5 "damnit mcgee, U2 is your favorite band so put them on your compilation" and rule six "right about now you wind back down cuz side 1 is about to end". also part and parcel of rule 7 "if it's a popular band, don't put on a REALLY well known song cuz then you're a poser". you can get away with rule 7 on a one hit wonder (see: nickelback) but not your U2 (i include "shape of my heart" since it doesn't have the "every breath you take" worldwide fervor). anyways, this was and always will be my favorite track of "achtung baby" and it's a great song 9 fit.

10) Out of this World by Bush

A month from now this song probably won't be on this CD, but for now it stays, for that "i don't know why i love this song but why fight it". it's a good thing i don't do heroin cuz then i'd never stop thanks to reason like we've just seen. anyways, track 10 should be moody, atmospheric, and leaving the listener anxious to flip the tape over and delve into side 2. only BLOODY HELL there's no side two. track 10 is severely damaged by the shirt to the CD world. alack, alas. anyways, moving on.

11) I Believe (When I Fall In Love It Will Be Forever) by Stevie Wonder

Stevie must have written this song with Jim Steinman, given the ridiculously long title. But it's such a great song, and is basically here as a refuting of the sentiments of track 10 (remember than "storytelling" bunk i write about earlier? yea, wasn't kidding. i am this much of a tool.) and a little 70's never hurt, leading us into

12) Loving Cup by The Rolling Stones

"Exile on Main Street" and "Sticky Fingers" are in constant rotation in my room, but usually as background music. Know those records? The ones you love to sorta kinda hear somewhere but don't really LISTEN to? that's what these are for me. EXCEPT this track. love the piano, love the drum roll into the first chorus, love the lyrics, love the Stones period.

13) It's Ice by Phish

this is where the "no live tracks" rule hurts, but I stuck by it, mostly cuz I wanna get a good mix of songs, and while I would love to include the "Mike's Song>I am Hydrogen>Weekapaug Groove>Run Like an Antelope" from 11/27/98, Set II, Worcester Centrum (see "tool" bit above), I had to go for a studio track. pretty slim pickins with Phish, but this is a standout track with a nice healthy jam in the middle that has both guitar and organ solos. also has some spacious, mellow sections, which leads me to

14) La Ciegna Just Smiled by Ryan Adams

If "It's Ice" is about a nightmare, "La Ciegna" is about a man who can't even fall asleep. best lyrics i have heard in about 5 years, and they work SO well with the chord changes it never ceases to amaze me. his lyric about "i'm too scared to know how i feel about you now" seems trite in print, but seems like a complete revelation on record.

15) Street Spirit by Radiohead

If ryan Adams is a guy drinking coffee in an all night diner, Radiohead is the series of drug-addled people lining the neon-lit streets two blocks away. this segue is basically a david fincher-esque pan from one to the other. again, this is a rule #7 and on many tapes would be a killer final track, but not on this one.

16) Everloving by Moby

"street spirit" has a a great crescendo, that has a vocal which acts as a 6th instrument basically...sort of a wordless coda. so i'll keep it going, but make it much more internal, quiet, and compelling with this, my single favorite track from "Play" which for a good while was my favorite record of all time. the crescendo on this track is as close as I get to God.

17) Thunderstorm by Matthew Sweet

My top candidate for "how come this guy doesn't sell 20 million records a week", matthew sweet just makes this best power pop ever. period. thanks for coming. this song is the last track on his most recent album, and is actually more like 5 songs stitched together, a la the end of "abbey road", only more coherent and melodic, if you can believe that. also, since this is a largely a mix of affirmation that delves but doesn't succumb to darkness, we gotta have a song about a guy who finds ultimate redemption within himself as our coda.

whew. so yea. thoughts? agreements? venomous hatred?

whew. comments are back. not like anyone uses them besides ingrid. *hint, hint*.

ok, how much do i hate comments being knocked out? oh, quite a bit.

seems like it's a common problem. annoyance of the highest degree.

so, the day's highlights:

1) started what i hope will be a long series of emails with carrie about LOTR, specially the movie version.

(i read the triology for the first time just before Christmas, as a slave to the whorish onslaught of publicity surrounding the movie's imminent release. thought i would never, ever get through the first chapter of "Fellowship", and while the thought of Aragorn randomly bursting into song still gives me a slight case of the willies, I devoured the series in about 10 hours of seat time. "fellowship" as a movie became the single greatest cinematic experience of my life. notice i didn't say best movie. that changes on mood, month, etc (though right now the title is, and has been for a while, "high fidelity", if only that it's the closest i'll probably ever get to seeing myself on screen. the runner-up here is "chasing amy". ditto on the reason.)

(i mean, come on, vitto randomly bursting into song? i would have set myself on fire.)

2) convinced my friend to use an online dating service to meet women. within three hours got an email back from her saying "there are so many hot women online!" i said, well, of course there are!

3) hit 115 lbs on the bicep curl. oogah chaga. oogah chaga.

4) have officially entered into "ok, so maybe the show '24' really is pulling the last half of the season completely out of the ass of some small woman". this amnesia thing is ridiculous. also, spending 12 hours to get the wife and daughter free, only to have them caputred like 2 hours later? you'd think the government wasn't even capabale of saying finding a guy in a cave in the Middle East. oh wait...

5) had a really great chat about relationships with my roommate about relationships. one of the better talks we've ever had. felt good.

6) waged the recent nightly battle about deciding which is my current favorite song: "la ciegna just smiled" by ryan adams or "out of this world" by bush. yes, i realize i just listed "bush" and "favorite song unironically in the same sentence. but it was used in an episode of my crack habit so now i'm hooked.

7) also decided "trip hop" should officially be defined in the OED as "techno to f#ck to".

and, uh, yea, that's about it.

i have an addiction.

i confess.

i'm not ashamed to admit it. no one is perfect. i thought i could handle it, really. just a quick fix. no biggie. i mean, other kids were doing it.

then it started to take over. at first, life without them gave me just a nervous itch, an annoying tingle i couldn't quite reach and scratch.

and then, it started to multiply. entire days were organized around them. work schedules, workouts at the gym, drinks with friends...they were all secondary.

pretty soon, they started taking over. i lost all willpower. i had to succumb. i needed my weekly fix. now i'm reduced to a stubbly-faced drooling fool with an incessant snack problem.

help me...please...tell them to leave me alone! i just want my life back.

oh no, SYNDICATION!!!!!!!!

i've said it before, i'll say it again. this is the funniest man alive. i type this while enjoying "dressed to kill" on my computer.

it's not much of a friday night, but it's something, i suppose.

anyone else in my predicament?

yea, my first plug!

thanks susan!

well, it's the first day of spring, so naturally it's a blizzard here. gotta love new england. maybe it's the kharmic effects of seeing "ice age" last night, which was a cute flick, and worth it for the dodo sequence alone. "tae kwan dodos!!!"

and while matt might be looking to be part of a posse, i'm looking for potential members of my harem. strictly platonic, of course. don't need another ass-kicking from my girlfriend. just a nice ego massage. apps are forthcoming. line up, y'all...you know you have always wanted to be in a virtual love commune.

well, traffic is already coming in, which is nice. feeds my ego and my narcissistic tendencies. course, trying to place ISPs to people is a bit beyond me, but it's sorta cool in a "reading a language you don't understand just cuz it looks pretty" sort of way.

fear not ingrid, no nude photos. the Internet has already put a restraining order on that one. they have not, however, put a ban on the pants or toga, which are ridiculously old pictures of me but hey, at least there's a newer one below. but since i no longer have the goatee, it's still out of date.

but if you feel to need to see a more lurid shot, check out my legs here. yes, that's me. never let it be said that i won't do anything for my art.


still working out a "ryan 101" for the unitiated, but since i basically started this whole site on a whim, it'll be a bit of work. if you really need to know something drop me a line and i'll answer to the best of my ability. but, for now, a mini-Ryan FAQ:

so tell me who you are in 50 words or less?

me be a 26 year old guy living in cambridge, mass. i work as a desktop publisher in the downtown Boston area, and used to do quite a bit of lighting design at Harvard University, both as an undergrad and post-graduation.

used to?

yea, on my first theatrical hiatus in about oh, 7 years. leading a double life was too exhausting. also increasingly stressful. i have precious few hairs left on my head, me wanna keep 'em as long as possible. as matt can attest, it's a stressful job, working with them kiddies. especially for no pay. so now i both work and get paid for one job, and get to have a life after work. interesting concept!

so why blog?

well, see the "jump off a bridge" title...kinda got sucked in. i am still working out how i feel about the medium, but since at least for me it serves as both amusement and information on people i had lost touch with, did not want to lose touch with, and have gotten to "know" since linking off other blogs, i have put most reservations aside, and such misgivings will certainly not be part of this particular page.

what did ingrid mean about me knowing about being a woman?

well, ingrid was nice enough to comment on a play i wrote in college called "The Seventh Wave", which I believe Em attended if I am not mistaken. It was the most therapeutic thing I had ever done, a show written for my friend to perform in a very intimate "theatre" in a Harvard dorm (and by "theatre" i mean a basement with some wall outlets)...it was a collage of my own poetry, famous poetry, not so famous poetry, with a whole smattering of Sarah Mclachlan, Tori Amos, and Peter Gabriel music. mostly a story of own survival masked through a tale of a woman coming out of an abusive relationship. ingrid's words touched me even way back when, and it was interesting to find i had written something that touched on not just what i felt, but others as well. quite an honor for me. if you want a link to the script, drop me a line.

and as for the straight bit, well yes, guilty as charged. but i am, as one friend once said, "Dionysus given straight male form." so hopefully i regain a few points for that, yes?

ry guy?

a nickname in college i kinda miss. that's all.

no caps?

generally no. i am a hunt and peck typer, prone to huge typos, and can't be bothered with the shift key when i wanna get thoughts out. for those i offend, i heartily apologize.

that's all for now. toodles.

update---made a bit of change to the settings on the comments...redid the chronology per peter's input, and um, yea. that's about it.

ok, so what do people wanna see?

absolutely could not for the life of me get out of bed today. combo of lack of sleep plus insane weather changes (65 degrees last wedensday to near blizzard yesterday) have knocked me out. which lets me spend the day in pajamas. mmm, pajamas.

thanks to peter and carrie for being the inagural commenters on this pathetic site. it'll slowly but surely get better as time goes on, at least graphically. dunno about content wise, though, still working that out for myself. if indeed, as janet states, all blogging is some form of performance art, mine might be akin to a Steven Wright performance. slightly droll, hopefully humorous, and definitely a collection of random observations all thrown into a blender.

for those of you who wonder who i am, more of the bio info forthcoming, if the demand is there.

This is ever so much fun. And by fun, try to approximate the fun Helen Keller had trying to figure out what a frying pan was. The analogy holds to this poor little technologically lovin' yet ever so technologically clueless boy tries to get this site up to par. and not Tiger Woods par, more like windmill at the mini-putt course par.

before the night is over, i will have comments. i hope. after all, to receive random love is what it's all about.

Well, here goes nothing....I have you to blame for this!